I'm Invisible

I'm invisible.......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the wayone of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to betaken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweepingthe floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can seeme at all. I'm invisible.Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Canyou tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm noteven a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satelliteguide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order,"Pick me up right around 5:30, please."I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyesthat studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -- but nowthey had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of afriend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, andshe was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there,looking around at the others all put together so well.It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at myout-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. Myunwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I couldactually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, whenJanice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I broughtyou this."It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure whyshe'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte , withadmiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."In the days ahead I would read -- no, devour -- the book. And I woulddiscover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which Icould pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals-- wehave no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for awork they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expectedno credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that theeyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit thecathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny birdon the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are youspending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almostas if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see thesacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act ofkindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it willbecome."At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a diseasethat is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my ownself-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, towork on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the bookwent so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetimebecause there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he'sbringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in themorning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for threehours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home.And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there." As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to theworld by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Marriage Monday

Mentoring

I love this week's topic. I consider myself blessed because I feel I have many "mentors" to look to. I grew up in a Christian home with two wonderful parents. They have modeled their best at being spouses, parents and that godly example. Now that I am married and have children, I understand so much more everything they taught my sisters and I growing up. I also had some great mentors after I moved out on my own. I lived with a Christian family for over a year. They had 4 children and took me in as one of their own. I still had some protection over me, but also was able to experience being on my own. The mom was such and example of a Christian woman and would always give advice in the most non-intrusive way. It was so neat to be in an environment that was so much like what I had grown up in. Another mentor I had was a woman who was not that much older than me. She and her husband were my college/career teachers. The time I had with them was so amazing. They were a young family with a baby, but had time to give to me and my friends were stepping out. Their advice on guys I dated came from a loving heart with my best interest in mind. Though at times I was not happy to hear their advice. I feel all these people helped shape me before I became a wife and mom. They all played a part in who I am today.

Now that I am no longer near these people, though I still do keep in contact, I have friends who have become my mentors. My very close friend and I have a special bond. I have learned so much from her and even though not pleasant at times, she gives her wisdom esp in areas where she has been before me. God has given me women to go to now. And I pray that He'll continue to provide those women no matter where I live!

Marriage Monday

Every week I am so encouraged and challenged by other women who are committed to honoring their husbands. And I know for me, lately I need to be more faithful in praying for Tony. But also, how I speak to him. As women most of us have to deal with pms. And lately, I've let it control me. I woke up yesterday just cranky and not in the mood to deal with anyone. It spilled out to my children and to my husband. It took most of the day to get rid of my yuckiness towards everyone. And I have to remember that the way I act has a last effect on my family. So this week my prayer and challenge is to control my tongue.

Winding Down

For us here in Arizona, our summer is quickly coming to a close. School starts in less than two weeks here. We've had a wonderful summer. I feel like the kids had an equal time of being busy as well as having down time. It's been nice because when they feel they need something to do, they ask if they can color. I have made it a priority to keep the markers, crayons and paper down low in my china cabinet. This way they can pull it out on their own. And as much as I don't like the mess play dough makes, they have a blast with it. So now I'm thinking with school supplies on sale, I need to stock back up for items at home.

I grew up in a very well balanced home. My dad was a math and science major and my mom was an art and music major. Sometimes I feel the kids are lacking in some areas that we haven't exposed them too. So when we go home to visit, my sisters will usually spend time with them doing small art projects.

I just hope that they will always remember the fun times they spend together and not the actually event, but the quality time.

Friendship

One of my closest friend was gone on vacation for two weeks. Even my kids kept asking when they were coming back. I called her today and she is finally home. We were on the phone for over an hour catching up.

I got an email from a girl interested in MOPS She is having a hard time in her marriage and has realized that she needs a more intimate relationship with God. She is looking for Godly, Christian women to surround herself with. Reading her email really made me think how we important friends are, esp when you don't live near family. And it's even more important to have friends who are going to encourage and lift you up before God. I think it's so special to have friends who will laugh, cry and pray with and for you.

So I encourage you to surround yourself with Godly, Christian friends!!!! And if you haven't found that friend, start praying for one.

Challenging

Pretty much the majority of our marriage I have been in charge of the finances. I've had to grow up and learn how to budget our money. It's been hard at times. I have done really good except up till the last few months. So now I'm trying to learn not to buy just because we have the money, etc. And it's getting really hard. But I am also seeing that the kids need to learn that we can't go out to eat all the time and that we don't have to have money to do fun things. So my prayer and challenge the next few weeks is to stick to our stricker schedule. And at the same time teach our children to be wise with money too.

Shocked

While catching up on some news topics I ran across this article. It is so sad that this girl cannot express her commitment to God and herself, but also that she lives in a country where she is not free to express herself. I am so thankful that we have this freedom. And I pray that this young woman will continue to keep her commitment.
Girl Looses Fight

Wonderful Trip

We just came back from 2 weeks on vacation. I was so blessed to be able to spend one week in FL. My grandma broke her shoulder and after two surgeries is finally healing much better. But she can't walk very much now so she is in a rehab center. It had been 4 years since I last saw them and felt that this was the time for me to take a trip over there. Of course I struggled with the cost of the airline ticket, but God blessed us again. My uncle used his points and took care of my plane ticket. I had aunts and cousins I had never met. So I had the most amazing time visiting everyone and spending time with my grandparents without distractions. Since I was so close to beach, only 15 min away, I was able to get out and spend like 15 min at the beach. Words cannot describe how happy I feel to have been able to go. I told Tony that we must plan a vacation to go there hopefully in a year or two.

Also on our trip we spent time with Tony's family which since I had the camera we didn't get any photos of this trip. They did take the kids fishing and swimming and just hanging out at their house. And we also took them bowling. That was an adventure in itself. The kids were use to playing on the computer so they weren't too happy that the pins didn't get knocked down every time. So hopefully the next time we go won't be as emotional. lol And on our last day we spent it with my family. Some big developments are that my sister now has a boyfriend and it's getting serious. They are courting and will be taking a pre-marriage class. He seems like a nice guy and I pray that God will lead them the right way. The kids had a great time with their aunts and even did some sparklers.

We had a great vacation, but am also glad to be home. Now to get back into the swing of things!!!

Happy Anniversary

Tony and I will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary on Sat!!!! Because of his work schedule we are going out tomorrow!!!! It's amazing how fast the last 7 years has gone by. We've had our struggles, learning about each other, what irritates the other, but there are also so many good memories! God has truly blessed us both. And the greatest blessing came last year. I did marry someone who didn't grow up in the same kind of house I did. And so our faith's were really hard for us to come together on. I was young and naive and when we got married I had hardened my own heart due to other issues in my life at the time. But when you know the truth of God's word you can't hide from it forever. And God brought me through my dark time. But when I came out, I had a husband who wouldn't attend church with me unless I hounded him. And finally I had to let go and let God take care of the rest. We've been together for 8 years and last year I finally cut that one string I held onto. You know how you say ok God here this is, but then you still hold onto part of the issue? Well that is what I did. And then I let go and I was so scared at what would happen next. Tony did support me in taking the kids to church and would help them with their verses and explain how important it is, etc but he wouldn't come. And then one day out of the blue he said that he was coming with us that night. And since that day last summer he is always with us unless he's working. I still am amazed at how God took one little thing for so many people as going to church and turned my husband around. I still tear up in church when he puts his arm around me. I truly believe that God allowed me to go through this to grow and learn true faith. And so this year on our anniversary, I am so thankful and so proud of the man I married. That God is in control and anything is possible.

I love the Honor Your Husband 30 Day Challenge!!! What a great reminder to honor a man who was given to us from God. That we were created just for each other! So here are my goals for this week:
1. Pray daily for him.
2. When he suggests for us to watch a movie together even if I don't want to, to at least sit with him and enjoy his presence.
3. Leave a love note in his lunch for him.

Fragile

Our family has been reminded at fragile life is. My husband lost his grandma last week. We had to take a trip to NM for the services. His grandma was such a wonderful women. She always made an effort to remember our children on their birthdays and at Christmas. And it was always wonderful to see the joy in her eyes when they would run up to her and hug her.
And now my grandma is not doing well. She fell a few weeks ago and broke her shoulder. She had been in a rehab center up until last night. She was rushed to the hospital because she went into a diabetic coma. She is now stabilized and is doing a bit better. My mom is out there with her right now and she is very tired, stressed and worried. It's been almost 4 years since I last saw my grandma. Her and my grandpa live in FL and time and money haven't allowed us to visit. We last saw them while they were in El Paso staying with my family. We've been happy that they have met all their great-grandchildren and love them. So I am now in the process of trying to secure a flight to go to FL and spend some time with her. It's very important to me to be able to see her while she is still alive and remember the wonderful memories I have as a child. I think that it's sometimes sad that after the person dies, everyone comes to say goodbye. I do understand it's closure, but I want my grandma to know that I love her and cherish her and to tell her face to face.
This has all been a reminder that we need to live each to the fullest and let our immediate and extended family know how precious they are to us. And every chance we are given to be with them is so important!!!!